"Mental health wellness and care have become more recognised as an important part of life, but without recognising a large portion of mental illness stems from societal exclusion, pressures, concepts, and stigma, emerges a dangerous blanket approach. Now that terms like mindfulness, positive thinking, and boundaries, have become somewhat common, people with chronic and/or invisible illnesses are recognising how easy these phrases are for both medical professionals and loved ones to throw around as a cure to their physical suffering.

Until this year, I have gone 30 years of untreated physical illness and pain, being dismissed as psychosomatic, or an overreaction to something “normal”. I first shot with Jocelyn 2 years ago in 2021. A part of me was desperate to step away from my normal “beautiful” modelling work. I was over people only seeing me or my life as desirable. I felt a need to share my reality, and the toll hiding it all took on me.

On first viewing, I was instantly in love with all of them. I had never felt so authentic, and authenticity being something I’ve always preached I was proud of myself. Excited to write my piece, I sent a few fav shots to some friends, but the responses were not as I expected.
What stood out wasn’t the focus on how it made them somewhat uncomfortable (that was fairly expected) but rather why.

Voiced concerns were along the lines of; is it appropriation of eating disorders, will you lose followers, your pictured body will make people uncomfortable etc.

This knocked me. I only did a few more serious photoshoots and performances after this. I was continually told to practice mindfulness, push through with a positive attitude and it will get better, just commit you aren’t committing enough, or even just section yourself in a mental health ward.

My physical health was declining fast, and my biggest fear; my suffering being ignored and dismissed, was happening again and had scared me back into personal isolation.

Until now, at the end of 2023, after receiving multiple serious diagnoses, and decades of being gaslit by medical professionals and loved ones, I finally have the capacity to write about this shoot that made me realise the true battle I’ve been facing my whole life.

This is just the start of my new journey, fighting to be heard and for others dismissed like me".

Elin-Hēni Roach.